Hi y’all. Been a minute :) A quick recap of events here.
After Mexico City, I spent 6 weeks in India where I took full advantage of the ability to explore a new land on my own. I kept falling sick from working the night shift and exploring on the day shift. I skied from Switzerland to Italy, marking my first trip to Europe. I went to Tanzania to the first wedding of my college friends.
I got back to the US at the end of Feb. Since then:
I was in Michigan unprepared for how cold winter can be and experiencing the most insane whiplash from having constant stimulation and ability to explore to sitting in my childhood bedroom, frozen.
I worked my way to the Boston area for 5 weeks. Exploring a new city. Fiddling with a new way of life. It’s interesting.
I’ve been traveling quite a bit for work. Conferences mostly. These trips are exhausting.
I pit stopped in NYC.
Started my summer landscaping activities in Michigan.
Apologies for verb tense and timeline throughout this thing. It’s been written in chunks at various time points over the last month or so. Finally making the push to tie it all together.
By the time I left India, I was SO freaking ready to come home. Originally, my plan was to head on to NZ and Australia for another few months or so. I just couldn’t anymore. My body had been beaten up. There were more important things at home.
Over my last few weeks abroad, I was becoming favorable to the idea that, really, what I missed most was consistency. I had engineered a world in my head where I could achieve a life with consistent activities in a consistent place with a consistent group of people. In order to manifest that, I had framed consistency as my “theme of the year.”
Coming back to the U.S., my plan was to crank out a quick road trip and hop over to NY to start lease hunting and figuring out moving timelines.
This isn’t happening anymore. My next few months are riddled with hops and skips. Three weeks in three destinations. Then, a road trip. Perhaps a summer in Michigan? Maybe a move back to NY in the late summer/fall? I feel like I’m making plans almost a month at a time. Somewhere different, doing something different.
So … no. If this was a pass/fail class on consistency, I’m failing. But … I’m trying.
Try and Fail
I associate sets of habits with environments. So, arriving back at home, I tried to pick up some of my old “home living habits” from pre-NY: running, floor workouts, hanging out with Sareen. I thought it would be easy to get back into the swing of things, except, this time, I was in the worst shape I had been in in years. Touching my toes was not a pleasant experience. I had lost many pounds of muscle mass. Sareen had moved away.
I wanted to get a gym membership, but I knew I wasn’t going to be in Michigan for very long. I wanted to hang out with people, but most of my friends from high school didn’t live in Michigan anymore. I went from walking everywhere having so much adventure and so much company to sitting alone in my house working all day, unable to leave the house because I forgot how frikin cold winter in Michigan could be. I became a wimp. I was struggling. I stumbled through a few weeks, excited to run away to my next destination, blaming my unhappiness on Michigan being a boring place.
Next stop, Boston. During the first few weeks, it was tough to create a consistent gym routine. I signed up for a gym membership. The climbing gym! I was so excited that I convinced myself that I could run the mile to the gym in the morning before work, work out, and run back. It would be easy. (Hint: I did not do any of that). I hated the run back after working out and stretching. I tried driving. Traffic sucked. It took just as long to drive there as it did to run. It was just a tad too inconvenient to get to, so I didn’t go very often. Later, I hurt my shoulder. Well, there goes that.
Leaving the house has been a little bit of a challenge. After a few weeks in the area, every attempt to leave the house sparks the questions: “Where do we go? What do we do? There really isn’t much going on nearby.” The friend I’m staying with has been trying so hard to keep me occupied. I appreciate the effort. It makes a big difference. It has been a long time since I’ve had to work so hard to find things to do. Honestly … I don’t know if I’ve ever had to.
I keep trying to think back to pre-trip life and I can’t remember what it used to look like. It definitely wasn’t as much of a challenge to do things. I don’t remember very many days where I had nothing to do, and I don’t remember having to work so hard to plan evening activities. It was always off to the climbing gym. Post-work park. Trivia, dinner, baking. Even when I didn’t have a dedicated activity, I passed so many evenings exploring the city through my viewfinder. It was so easy to do things in New York.
Ah … and that might be the key. Easy. Consistency is more likely found when it’s easy to take action. When it’s convenient to do so. When it doesn’t require overcoming a massive mental hump. When it doesn’t require too much additional thinking. When it falls in front of you rather than you having to seek it out. It’s why I used to consistently eat chocolate chips as a snack. It was the first thing in the snack cupboard. It’s why I used to consistently go to the gym. It was a 90 second walk away.
When I finished writing notes for this post a month ago, I had left things saying, “It’s time to focus on myself for a little bit. Rebuild good habits. Work on balance. But before we can begin. Quick pitstop back in NY :)”
When I take another look at this now, I realize that I was waving hands. I had no tactical path to building consistency. I had just riled myself up enough to give me more energy to chase what I wanted and overcome obstacles that came in my way. One approach, but maybe not sustainable.
I now realize that the question really is, how can we make it easier to do the things we want to be consistent about? The classic example, sleeping in our running clothes so we are one step closer to getting out for a run in the morning. The more nuanced example, promising your friends in NY you’ll see them in July and have plans with them in August and probably some in September or October too, to make it easier to prevent my travel eyes from wandering and delaying a move.
Did you try smiling?
My plans for the summer have begun to firm up. June in Michigan. July in NYC. August in CA and AZ. September in Boston. This sounds like it’s the complete opposite of consistency. It feels like I’m much closer than it seems.
I am starting to trend towards a consistency in attitude. Making the most with what I have. I’m excited to have more consistency in community. I have a new travel buddy that I will be tackling a lot of these places with. I have set myself up for consistency in activity. I think marathon October 2023 is happening.
I’ve been grumpy. Grumpy about the cold, about not having things to do, about being checked out. The funny thing is, I didn’t even really notice it myself. My friend, who has never read this blog, or has ever heard me say it myself, asked me, during one of my moody moments last month, “Did you try smiling?”
I hadn’t. But this was the reminder I needed. About the power of a smile.
I’ve been hiding in my cave for a long time. When grumpy, sometimes you don’t want to talk to people. You have a low social battery. You feel out of the loop. You might feel defeated. You may feel like you just can’t anymore. It’s easier to stay in your cave.
In the last few weeks, I’ve been reminded, by myself and others, to smile more. It has picked up my mood. I’m starting to find my bearings, and I’m finally starting to re-emerge and re-introduce myself to the world after a few long months. I’ve missed this.
See you soon :) and as always .. Don’t forget to smile today :) .. or maybe … Did you try smiling?
Thejas
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